Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
