the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
