I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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