Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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