Sponge bath it is.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
