I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
