I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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