the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
