Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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