He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
