The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want her autograph on my taint
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
