I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
