I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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