I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
