u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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