I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
