yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
