Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
