ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
