Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
