I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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