Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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