You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
