u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dick very happy bro
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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