I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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