i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
