my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
