fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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