I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
