and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
