Swine flu. Run for my life!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
