Yo dont text me then not text me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
