oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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