i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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