i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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