I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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