im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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