I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
