Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
