I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
