she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
