Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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