recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
