apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
