I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
