can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
