I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
