I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
