What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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