Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
