I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
