Buhtt sex?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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