Your dad touched me again.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
