what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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